I talked to T for a few minutes. He said he is "frustrated" but not "angry", although I'm not sure if there's really a difference right now. i know he can be angry AND things can still be okay in the end, but blah.
I told him that I am afraid he won't trust me now, and he said that one thing doesn't undo all of our years and years of work.
He said that the fact that I was SO triggered, SO quickly and deeply shows what a big deal this thing is.
He said that we have worked through ruptures before and we will work through this. I told him I never ever ever ever want him to sit with me and hold my hand again, and he said that we will have to work our way slowly and gently back to that safe place. I really really don't want to.

I feel kind of awful and toxic still. I hate that T is "frustrated", and it's really my fault. This triggers lots and lots and lots and lots of stuff for me.

I don't know if there's enough klonopin to make it through this.