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Originally Posted by Troy
I'm not in therapy, but I did go to VA for evaluation for PTSD and the Dr who met with me finally gained my trust after the second meeting. She knows more about me that the readers of these posts.
And today i went to the hospital and intended to see her, but instead i found out she is dead. I met w her about 3 weeks ago. She got married 2 weeks ago. adn she died one week ago. She went on honeymoon and came back and died.
I have to tell ya that this has affected me much more than i could ahve ever imagined. Much more than the deaths of some family members.
She was in her 30s. This is a real tragedy, just ike those of soldiers. And it proves once again, do not get close to anyone because thy will soon be taken from you. As soon as i start to trust someone, she dies. it feels like it is my fault. Just like the dead and wounded solders are my fault - please don't get close to me.
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Troy,
Hi. I know i have PTSD from something that happened in my past and please understand i am not ready or may never tell people the story of what happened in here but i really really am happy i found a place where there are people like me. I want to share this true story with you Troy. I have not been in combat in the service (so you know). When i was going thru my divorce some years ago i had no idea and im not kidding that it was coming. i was unhappy about some stuff my husband knew what it was and he wouldnt make some life changes with me anyhow. At that time i lived in a beautiful neighborhood with people that we all had kids around the same time, were raising our families etc. My husband send me divorce papers, i was served at my front door near Christmas (great timing) within the next few months i just could not in my life believe what was taking place on our block a neighbor who was just a great guy in his 30s at that time that i knew him took his life, the family with a huge house and beautiful kids were having marital problems, the woman across the street got cancer she was about 35 i would say at that time wanted for nothing and lasted about 6 months, some of the other couples i knew and others i did not. I swore that there was seriously someone else causing a curse or whatever. i also thought maybe the economy effected some of them and me. i didnt have the answers. im not promoting that you turn Catholic but i am going to tell you what i do and i hope it helps you. There is a prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel and i dont know how to post. You can find it on a catholic website. it is a prayer of protection and i say it OFTEN and im not kidding i say it believing God will hear me when i say it. #2 im on this website for anxiety and many things. when i was young i was too little that this stuff didnt bother me as much as now. I try to go with the belief that i was taught : God has a book up there (he may have graduated to computers) in it is marked the day we are born and the day we die. WE have no control over these dates. It makes me sick when someone dies young. I have no control. All I can do is pray. There are no answers. you said DO NOT GET CLOSE TO ANYONE BECAUSE THEY WILL BE TAKEN AWAY. Think think did everyone in your life fit this sentence. Chances are no. Yes you found a good friend when you met that doctor and i bet you were looking forward to her working with you and who knows why her time on earth was over. Her death is certainly NOT YOUR FAULT unless you did it. If everyone does not get close to you it seems you feel no one will pass away. People in the world will still pass away. I think your depression is making you believe things in your own mind. Hope what i shared with you helps you to see that ive been thru the everyone is dying and getting cancer around me time period. and may the Prayer to Saint Michael give you Peace when you feel anxiety. Say it to yourself.
summersquash