Hi Stoney - don't worry. You're in the right section.

I suffer from Depersonalization Disorder, so I know all too well what you are describing. It can happen along with all sorts of other conditions like PTSD, generalized anxiety, depression...so you don't have to have a dissociative disorder to dissociate. I get both depersonalization and derealization, so I will describe both for you.

So, to answer your questions...

How does it feel? Well,when I experience depersonalization, my body feels like it's not my own. My arms seem detached and feel like I am not really controlling them. My consciousness feels like it is deep inside my head and I feel like I have pulled away from my body. I look in the mirror and don't quite recognize the person I see. My voice feels far away and sounds like someone else is speaking. In order to function in this state, I go into a sort of autopilot mode and things feel very robotic. When I have a severe episode, I go completely inward. I cannot speak, sounds feel very far away, I close my eyes and I am reduced to nothing but thought.

Derealization affects how the world appears....Like I'm walking in a dream. Things don't look "real" to me. Like there's a veil between me and the rest of the world. Colors are faded. When I was a teenager, I didn't know this feeling had a word. I used to call these episodes my "grey outs" because things would fade to grey. Places that I have known for years suddenly look unfamiliar. I mean, I *know* where I am and that I am in a familiar place, but it looks very foreign, as do people. When the DR gets bad, I start to feel disoriented and overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trapped in a house of mirrors and the entire world is gravely distorted. Some people say that it's anxiety that causes the DP/DR. That may very well be. But for me, it's often the DP/DR that causes me the anxiety and leaves me immobilized.

Why does it happen?...I had a very traumatic accident when I was three years old and almost died. Apparently, during my rehabilitation, I had to undergo some very painful medical procedures. I remember the accident, but the rest of it has been blocked out. I have been experiencing the dissociation for as long as I can remember. Looking at pictures of me as a young child can be disconcerting sometimes - there's just "no one there" when I look into my eyes. I didn't find out it had a name, and that other people actually experienced it, until I was 30 years old. I was so relieved to know that I wasn't losing my mind!

Coping skills have taken me a long time to develop. I often use cold packs or ice to help myself come back into my body. Oddly enough, when the colors are faded, the only one I can really see is the color red. So, I try to focus on that color and it helps bring me back sometimes. Depending on how you experience it, you could also use regular mindfulness exercises like taking notice of the ground under your feet, or feeling cold air on your skin.

Now, depersonalization alone doesn't normally leave you forgetting things you've done or said. "Reality testing" remains intact - when someone is experiencing DP/DR, they know where they are and what they're doing, it's just the perception of the actions and themselves that is skewed and distorted. If you're losing periods of time, that may be something different like dissociative amnesia.

A good book on DP/DR is "Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder and the Loss of the Self". It has a lot of personal accounts of how others experience these things. A good website to check out is www.dreamchild.net .

As far as working with your therapist on how to deal with it...it depends on what it is stemming from. This kind of dissociation can come up when experiencing traumatic events, remembering the events, or even when talking about uncomfortable topics in a therapy session. It's our mind's way of protecting itself from painful feelings. Sometimes, though, that mechanism can get a bit out of whack and it happens even without the emotional threat, like with me.

I hope that answers your questions.