I was abused as a child by a neiborhood grandpa, over a period of many years. I brokedown after having my daughter turn the age I was when he started grooming me, I didn't have a clue what was going on. I thought I was "going crazy" I certainly felt that way. I was also dealing with an abusive husband and working full time.
I lucked into a fantastic frist T. I was always being in control, always the caretaker, so I drove myself to the hospital one night after a really bad beating for stitches. The ER knew how I had gotten the many brusies, and cuts, and wanted to send the police to go arrest him but I didn't want to put my daughter in jepardy, so they gave me the number of a therapist. As I said I thought I was going crazy.

The first thing he did was reasure me I wasn't crazy, if you think that, then you aren't! At first we thought it was the curent abuse that was making me jumpy, and unable to eat, sleep, crying for no reason and the night terrors. My startle reflex was was up there with a wild animal. He told me he suspected more. It wasn't untilmuch later when the Pdoc put me in the hospital and had me discrible the face in my nightmares to my mother who wanted to know why I was dreaming about a dead neighbor that I found out the face was real and had a name. Things did get even worse after that...for a while. But then they got better. I learned how to calm myself by breathing, how to stay present, all kinds of other tools that I learned helped me feel real, solid, and normal again. It does take time. Make sure you have a Pdoc & T who understand trama, and PTSD, know how to teach you the tools you will need. Most of all know that its not you fault, and be patient and care for yourself the best you can at this point. It does get better.