Hang in there! The feelings you are feeling are quite normal after being victimized. I have a lot of regrets and still sometimes feel dirty and sick. Therapy can help overcome these feelings and help with healing. Are you seeing a therapist?

You don't have to tell your mom now, you can tell her if/when you feel comfortable. It must be difficult to have someone who hurt you in the past in your life now. Can you limit the amount of contact you have with him?

Keep posting, sometimes it helps to get those thoughts/feelings out.