I have been spiraling into another depression. I dont really know what happened this time . I have been doing so well. I havent stopped my meds ..i just dont know. Wednesday i went in to see my therapist and yes i opened up to her a little more than i had (she is new to me) Then all the sudden at the end of the session i pretty much lost all control.... i started shaking terrible ... i got lost in an old memory...kinda was there and not there... but then i heard myself say.... I am scared....i cant remember ever saying that before after that my emotions (which i never have or show) took off totally out of control..it really freaked me out. It was time for me to leave and somehow i was aware of that , but i just couldnt get myself together....finally after what felt like forever i just jumped up and ran out. Now i am completely freaked out about going back... im very embarrassed and ashamed at how i acted. i have an appt monday at 2 then see the pdoc at 3 but i dont know if i can go back... what if that happens again...Last night was just awful... i felt scared , alone , lonely , lost , depressed ... this morning doesnt feel quite as bad .. but i really feel like i need to talk to my therapist .. i need to tell her that i am sorry about the way i behaved in there wednesday... i need to tell her that i wont let that happen again.... OMG i dont get angry , cry , scared , i dont do emotions .... so what happened ???????????
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