Honey, I will certainly pray for you and your family... and for your HIV test to be negative (for some reason I'm pretty sure it will be.)

I've got a diagnoses of schizoaffective disorder, and I ran up a huge amount of debt when I went off the rails... I thought the world was going to end, and I had to do as much good with the money before hand as possible. So I gave it away, spent it on trips, to Belgium, Holland, France, and most extremely Africa (at least my son got some great experiences out of it). If it hadn't been for my son I would have stayed in Africa and married the first man to propose to me (fortunately I clung on to my sanity enough to realise that this would seriously traumatise my son only a few months after my husband's death, and that it would do nothing to fill the emptiness left by his passing.) I did IVF to have my husband's posthumous baby, it didn't work. I signed up to do an MA, paid for modules in advance which I couldn't concentrate on, I took out loans when my husband's pension ran out, gave it to charities for animals, orphans, I was really stupid, I even spent the rent.

The financial mess is now being sorted. In a way it was a good thing because it distracted my son from his loss and gave him good experiences. I learned who my real friends were (not the ones who hit me up for money and then never spoke to me again). I had to take out a debt relief order, sort of bankrupcy light in the UK... but things are SLOWLY sorting, though I continue to need help from a housing officer to manage my finances, which I find very difficult.

The diagnoses will help you. You can understand yourself now, and this is much less likely to happen again, now you're on meds. The shock you feel when you come down from such an experience is awful... just don't feel you've ruined everything. You still have your children, I'm sure you still have your health, and please God your husband will get over his own shock. I understand this thing came at you like a bolt from the blue, and I understand that feeling of having been possessed (I actually got excorcised a few times by over enthusiastic but somewhat irresponsible churches). The meds will help.

Stay well, and be kind to yourself.