Well, I lived my life like that, constantly moving forward. But as it states while I did have many trials, bad trials, and long trials I did move forward.

In my state now, I can't seem to do that. I am riddled with anxiety and like JD in a legal battle with a stack of bills that all the good intentions in the world wont pay, I can bearly pay the interest, these bills caused by damage done through neglance from someone else.

This PTSD was thriving while I was stubborn and trying. But it grew to a point where it knocked me down. As I want it to be a mind over matter, I can't seem to gain ground. But I am in a way trapped into having to remember painful moments, that should just be a memory, but it hasn't been allowed to in this long drawn out battle.

I was not even aware of the PTSD symptoms, rage, anger, sadness, confusion, terrible dreams, mental exhaustion, and triggers that set me in a tail spin of terrible anxiety attacks. I have been trying so hard to battle these effects. And the flashbacks, I hate them, why do they come from nowhere? No, I dont want to be a victim of being a victim.

Well, I have a new therapist and I have only seen him once. So maybe he will help, I hope so.
I am tired of being a victim of being a victim. Maybe as JD says when the legal issue is over, I can put all this in a memory where it belongs. I do think it is important to remember why we were a victim, but I think it is bad to have to keep remembering it and be in a ground hog day state, not very good.

Open Eyes