Carrie,

Oh wow...when I read what you wrote about friendships, it was like you were writing about me. I get along great with people, and when I'm around, people are happy to see me. But I am constantly being overlooked, just the way you said...I'm not remembered when I'm not in their presence. The perfect example is, the little group of friends that I have always does something for everyone's birthday, usually taking the person out to dinner. They do this for everyone but me...they've never once done anything for my birthday. I know they care about me, but it just never occurs to them that I might want someone to do something nice like that.

Maybe I'm remembering wrong, but I seem to recall that you talked once of being neglected or ignored a lot when you were growing up, which is just how things were for me. Sometimes I wonder, that when we don't get a certain kind of attention when we are very small, if that leaves us with a lack of expectation that we will ever get that kind of attention. And in life, it is very common that we get what we expect. I've tried to think a lot about what I do differently than other people who are not overlooked, but I really do think it's a very subtle thing...like people can sense that I'm so used to not being thought of, they think I don't care about it.

I also sometimes wonder if it comes down to that issue of non-existance. I often feel like there's no "me" in me...like an empty feeling. So, if I can't sense something inside myself, then how much of an impression could I possibly leave on other people?

Anyway, I'm not sure I will ever really learn how to change things, but it was interesting to read that someone else out there had the same experience.

*hugs*
mj