Let me start off by saying.. there was a time not so long ago that i was the most upbeat, happy, positive person anyone meet. I dont know what has happened that made me into this sad, sad person.

I started having panic attacks, went to the doctor and they sent me for a mental health eval. next thing i know anxiety started and i had horrible intrusive thoughts and could barely sleep. My doctor prescribed me lorazepan, but after a little while i couldnt bear the side effects anymore and I told him i thought i could beat it without medicine. Now, all of a sudden after about 2 weeks of being not so bad, I get thrown into this horrible depression with thoughts of suicide and fear of losing control. I just dont understand. I have so many happy things in my life. I shouldnt feel like this. I will say, that I can totally understand how a person would think this will never go away, because thinking back to my panic makes me scared, and thinking back to my anxiety makes me shake. now, i wonder if i will ever be able to forget the fact that i have contemplated suicide. This is so not "me".

I have gone over it and over it and none of this has a trigger except for every day stress.

Any help or insight is appreciated..