Do you think it boils down to self esteem. We measure ourselves, our self worth by how many friends, how high our marks are, whether we've passed or failed - but do any of those things really define us? In reality would we be nothing without these things? I went on a retreat earlier in the year. I knew no-one there and we spent many hours in silence, quietly working alongside each other. It was an amazing experience, no pressure to achieve, no pressure to be anything for anyone else - such a simple life style of cooking, cleaning, gardening. There was little speaking, yet for the first time in a long time (ever?) I didn't fee alone and I was very sad to leave.

Right now I'm almost too scared to look deep into myself and I so get the "feeling comfortable with this" - to change would mean to look. This is how I know to be, who would I be without it? - currently "it" is defining who I am.

Part of me is contemplating going to my GP this week, to at last announce that I am not coping well and maybe medication may be helpful - still a lot of resistance in my head though.

What happens if we stop fighting so hard and relax a little I wonder?