I want to tell you about online relationships. I am married because of one. My husband is NOT the person I met online. Nothing like him at all. He is a good and decent person and I don't think he wanted to lie or be decietful but he was being what I wanted him to be and it's really easy online. I thought because I was being honest and being myself he was too. Big mistake. My husband and I always said "it's like a fairytale but it feels so real". It was a fairytale. It wasn't reality at all. He even kept up his online persona until we were married and now I am getting to know the real him. It has been hard and has turned my whole life around. I was sure and left America to be with him and I regret it. I would never believe that it wasn't exactly what I thought it was.
I too think it's best to deal with your marriage and worry about the online thing later. Your marriage is real but the online thing may not be. Also, about getting counseling. There is no way you can make a marriage work if you both aren't ok with yourselves. It doesn't sound healthy that you use or mention suicide when there may be a break up. I think counseling together is essential but also individually.
I wish you the best and welcome to the forum!
Heidu