Hello,
Since I was about 13, I've had a lot of anxiety about being around people. It got to be bad enough that I was suicidal in my early teens. I had been getting better, and felt like I'd be able to get through it recently, and then about two months ago, it came back even worse. I started having panic attacks and racing thoughts. My mind would race and all I wanted to think about is how I wanted to just get out of my head, but my brain just wouldn't listen. I've had trouble with it for a while, but lately it seems I can't put together coherent statements as well. When I write, its not as bad, but when I talk, I have to stop and rethink just what I'm trying to say. Also, I've been having more and more trouble with my short term memory. I'll walk from one room to another and forget what I'm going for or start talking and can't remember what I wanted to say. Also, I used to smoke cannabis, but haven't for about three to four months. Mainly what is the most annoying is the anxiety and racing thoughts. The anxiety is to the point where I don't have to be around people for it to start up anymore.. just the thought of being out makes me nervous. I've not really been out of the house for at least a month and don't really care to, I just want this to go away.
For the record, pretty much my whole family has depression and my father and another family member have schizophrenia. Thats the part that worries me, really. To me, it feels like I'm developing disorganized schizophrenia. Am I just being crazy (no pun intended)?