I have a very mixed feeling about this, and now after doing it probably wouldn't again, thought tempting.
See I wanted phenterimine (stimulant/diet pill) like I used years ago that made me not only lose some weight but feel good and had better concentration, but a personal family thing happened during the time I was using it and later saw a therapist, got DXed as Bipolar-II and then went the pdoc and therapists way with professional treament and legal prescription meds from the pharmacy.
The phenterimine I got over the internet I think wasn't as "pure" as the kind that a real doc prescribes, see they use a "cyber" doc (I think is a bogus thing) and then say you were approved to recieve the meds and then ship it to you, I felt it was bogus cause as a test I put info as if I was thin already and they were still willing to ship it. Then when I called a few times on where my COD package was, they traced it but barely spoke English and it sounded like I was calling someone's home (maybe a garage meth lab) and then months after I'd get phone calls from different named places saying they have on record that I purchased this from them and if I want a refill I can get a special discount, limited time of course (probably the feds were after them) I questioned why their name changed so many times and the bottle had one name (probably a bogus pharmacy) that didn't match theirs, it was suspicious, though I'd like to buy the stuff again, I am resisting that temptation cause if I get affected how do I explain??
You sound as if you should consider seeing a professional and not take chances, you can get through this with a professional, don't play pdoc with yourself, you risk having more problems, it is not worth it (I know I've been there, take my word) we all get one life to love, and we should make the best of it, get helpe when needed and stick to what the pdoc tells you, don't give up or be afraid, they can't throw you in a hospital unless you are a threat to the community, you are free to sign yourself in or out, (I know that too from experience) I made my own decision to take the suggestion and sign myself in for help and intro to meds and be monitored, I wasn't happy about it then but today I can honestly say if I didn't take that step, I would probabaly not be here on this earth typing this. It is up to ourselves to either choose to get better or stay miserable, we control our own destinies.
I wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide, just take care in what you choose

Please take care of yourself, okay?
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON