granite, I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Do you talk to your ESR? I mean, more than you do to your T? I'm trying to get a sense as to whether you speak at work or if not, how do you manage without speaking?

I can understand why you feel close to this person, the rep, since she is compassionate towards you. I think other people can sometimes help more than a T. Often people on PC help me more than mine! I used to have a close friend who really listened to me whenever I needed her to; she was sort of a T to me.

I also think you need some time off work, or at least cut down the hours. Why do you have to work so many hours? I wish you could talk to your T about all of this, including how your ESR makes you feel, and how her taking so many vacations make you feel. It could be healing for you if you could tell her, but I know you know that, and I know that wishing it doesn't make it happen.