Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
granite, I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Do you talk to your ESR? I mean, more than you do to your T? I'm trying to get a sense as to whether you speak at work or if not, how do you manage without speaking?
I can understand why you feel close to this person, the rep, since she is compassionate toward you. I think other people can sometimes help more than a T. Often people on PC help me more than mine! I used to have a close friend who really listened to me whenever I needed her to; she was sort of a T to me.
I also think you need some time off work, or at least cut down the hours. Why do you have to work so many hours? I wish you could talk to your T about all of this, including how your ESR makes you feel, and how her taking so many vacations make you feel. It could be healing for you if you could tell her, but I know you know that, and I know that wishing it doesn't make it happen.  |
no i don't really talk that much at work.i do talk to customers somewhat when things are OK.i can answer questions and all.but not many co workers at all.this is part of the huge problem at work.i am so upset i cant even look at the customers never mind talk to them.some complain and this is also why i am being brought into the office so many times and i cant deal with that and all i do is cry or explode when i am doing my work.acting like a little brat.this is the problem I'm not managing without speaking.it is getting so out of control.things are going on in my head at work also.things i don't know if they are real or not.like thinking this coworker wanted to hurt me .he tried to hit me with a swinging door because he was mad at something i did .he called me a bunch of names and went in the back.i went in the back a little while after and he saw me through the window and pushed the door into me so it would hit me in the face.i put my arms up.he looked like he wanted to kill me.his face was so angry.i panicked and ran to the esr and all i could say was I'm done and cried and cried.i couldn't tell her what happened still cant.i am very short so this guy goes around all day singing short people have no reason to live.he also jumps at me if i ask him for help by saying stuff like you going to be a useless girl all your life.why cant you just do it yourself etc...he is the person i need to go to if i need help with something .he is suppose to be one of my Mgr.i don't ask him for help at all i cant even look at him,i just get very overwhelmed and try to do things myself then start to break down.then act like a brat throwing things screaming crying etc...totally out of control. i think they are all laughing at me and everything and talking about me in the back room,how could they not.it is just bad
my relationship with my esr is strange.i don't know what to think about it.especially sense i started fantasizing about her being my T.yes she is compassionate ,understanding ,she says she wants to protect me and makes me feel like she wants to rescue me.everything i would want.BUT when i was in her office someone came to check on me and i herd her say she was trying to get me to talk
(wrong thing to say)i felt that just feeds into my not talking.i have two reasons i feel i don't talk 1 is fear most times 2 is control the more out of control i feel the more i don't talk to gain some sort of control of the situation.i don't know if all of this is healthy.
as far as getting time off it isn't going to happen.i am running the department right now and the only help i had is the guy i talked about.the esr tried to cut my hours down to 40 and give me 2 days off ,but the very next day my mgr came over yelling saying she has no right or power to change his schedule and told me i needed to work those hours because i was already on the schedule.i couldn't tell him no at all all i did was shake my head OK.the esr went nuts when she saw me working and it got into a big thing between them but he told her i was fine with working the hours when he asked me. but i couldn't say no.
sorry so long but it did feel so good to just get out some of the stuff that is going on,all this is also affecting my home life and my relationship with my husband.i think he is getting a bit overwhelmed also