(((Anika))) I agree, call your pdoc. Hopefully he will take you more seriously than your last one did. Make him understand the severity of how you're feeling. If he refuses to listen to you, find one who will. I changed providers last year because my old one always said, "you have such good insight", and then when I told her I needed to go back on disability b/c I was getting psychotic she said, "oh, just take a week off, you'll be fine". Yeah. Sure. I found a new doc and he was all for me going on disability and even said he'd eat his shoes if I didn't get it! Now, I'm just using my disability situation as an example, but the point is, if you don't like how your treatment is going, find a new doc. But definitely give your new doc a chance first - you may be pleasantly surprised.

And I know you're afraid of saying anything because of the little people - but remember that they are not real (though I know they feel like they are), and you need to tell people.

I'll be thinking about you.