Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
something that hit the absolute CORE of "I MADE people who loved me sexually abuse me"
and I got triggered badly
and I seriously seriously freaked out and said stupid things and did a stupid thing.
I don't see how I can even talk to him about it, honestly. I'll say "I'm a horrible person" and what will he say? "no, you're not".
And it will be just like when I was little when my mom beat me and in the end I had to reassure her that she was still wonderful.
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So you must feel safe enough with T to protect yourself? There is nothing wrong with that little girl wanting to protect herself. Protecting yourself is a good thing.
You can't fix what doesn't surface. This has surfaced because you need to work on it. It is good that you can work on it now so that you can work past it and get some peace.
Do you feel that you can't work through this with T because you feel that it will turn out like when you were a child with your mother?