i dont want to be that person who is always taking and taking and never giving. i dont know what to do with all the pain. i'm scared right now. i need surgery and i dont want to have it. i'm afraid it will change the rest of my life. lately all i want to do is hurt myself and i know its not something we're really supposed to post about and i dont know what to do about it. i feel like i'm losing my mind. i dont have anyone to talk to. the only person i've ever had to talk to doesnt want to listen. i dont want to keep complaining because i know its not changing anything. but i'm afraid all the changes that are waiting for me, scheduled, ready to go, are like death sentences. i'm cutting out little pieces of my life, little pieces of me, and theres nothing there to fill the empty spaces. what if after all of the things i do, no one can love whats left?
thank you kd for letting me know its okay to stay, and i will try to give others the support they need and focus less on myself.