Wow Thank You for this post I have read through the whole thread and I can relate to so many people.
My last T would try to encourage my crying which I found distracting. He would say very gently, compassionately "It's ok to let go, It's ok to cry, You're safe here." That right there broke it. I know he was trying to help, but for me it made me aware of my crying and I would shut down again. The one day he was handing me a tissue I about decked him I thought he was going to touch me!!!
My current T I am comfortable crying, but not fully letting go I have only done it once and completely hated myself afterwards for "acting" that way. Just today she said it's ok your doing good, which was very comforting, but once I gathered myself to prevent the total breakdown I could not finish what I was saying, shut down.
I feel like such a little kid when I really let go and cry - sobbing, snotty face, can't breathe. I feel like if I don't hold back I will end up doing just that. I know it's ok in therapy and I know my T is ok with it, but I am so embarrassed. I get so mad at myself for letting go. I don't even cry when I am alone. I wish I could, but I hate letting go.
I can't look at T when crying, I look afterward, and she is just sitting there quietly, patiently, allowing me to feel. She does not make any sympathetic gestures. Sometimes we keep talking and she has such a compassionate voice, sometimes she stays silent.
Tissues - she has never given me a tissue they are right in arms reach. Total breakdown day I just sat there sobbing letting the tears run wiping my face with my sleeve, when things calmed down she directed me to the tissues, which was kind of a nice distraction. One day the tissue box was almost empty, the next week the tissue box was almost empty (still? am I the only one who cries in here?) but when I walked in she said oh here let me get another box of tissues. Grrr I'm not crying anymore. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but I felt like such a baby? Oh shorti is here gonna need those.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
Your post also is making me think about my wanting comfort. Comfort IS a distraction and it's why it feels good to receive; the person offering the comfort provides relief and distraction, so I don't have to feel so much. So, I think that wanting comfort is yet another way I resist or attempt to resist in therapy. Wanting comfort becomes a point of stop-thinking. Wanting comfort stops me from exploring some things because I tell myself that there would be no comfort, so why even go there.
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This really got me thinking. I really want that comfort, but when T acknowledges me crying I feel childish. I need to stop acting like a baby "toughen up". And it's not T, it's my upbringing. Comfort was to stop you from crying not fully allow it.
Lastly I wish T would give hugs (comfort) at the end of the session. After exposing myself like that I really just need that comfort of you'll be ok.
Sorry so long, but a lot of thoughts came up with this post. Thanks again.