Trigger possible ....
I am not in a good place ... depression is running wild , feeling of fear tremendous acting out in unhealthy ways the whole nine yards...
So today i have a T appt .. i told her "i am not doing good" "I called the emergency line over the weekend" "my head is spinning" "im afraid" I told her about what i have been doing lately ... but i honestly think it fell on deaf ears... At one point i actually said "omg i am going to cry" the response was nope sorry but we only have 10 min left...I have been doing well for a long time , but im freaking out now...idk where this is coming from, what triggered it but like i said to T ..im going 100 mph straight for a head on collision... after T , i had my normal 3 month check in with pdoc... i told her how bad i have been heck i told her everything... even at one point mentioned all the voices ( my own ) going thru my head the constant noise ... havent ever talked to her about much of anything before, but i have been seeing her for about 7 yrs.. when it dawned on me what i had said ... i was like omg telling the pdoc that your hearing voices isnt a smart thing to do.... she laughed... i bet i said 5 different times .... i need someone to know IM SCARED... normally the conversation is .... how have you been... ok .... are you taking your meds ... yes maam... have you seen T lately ... saw her today ....is work and the kids going ok ..... about the same job is stressful , but nothing too exciting .... ok lets get your weight and set up something for 3 months ok ... sure
Today she was like well i will see you in 3 months ... and i actually said .."is that a good idea"?.. she was like ... call if you need . ARE YOU KIDDING ME... T by the way will see me in the usual 3 weeks ... OMG