Hi siti61
I understand why you wouldn't want to throw it all away, but do you really think there is a chance that he will tell you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore? If there is then your not being fair to yourself, or to him. If there is something that you two can do to work on making things better, then you need to talk about that. Problems aren't just going to go away by doing nothing about them. It sounds like you don't want to be alone, and you sound like an awfully strong person to be able to deal with this situtation. Talk calmly. If it looks like tension is arrising, then try stoping the conversation for a little bit and go back to it later. I say that because you say you would rather give him the silent treatment. Anyway, don't give up hope yet. If you've been able to get through 20 years of marriage like this, i know that you can get through anything, so just relax, and talk to him. Try asking him if he loves you. ... just a suggestion. I'm thinking that he doesn't even realize how much it is hurting you. Sometimes even if you tell someone that you are hurting, it doesn't register to them. So try asking him about his feellings for you. Don't be scared to talk to him - he didn't marry you because you were afraid to let him know how you feel did he? Anyway, let me know what you think, or how it goes.
Audrey