That sounds like a lot of complicated feelings there. It's OK to not be logical sometimes. Can I ask how things are between you and your father? If you didn't have this friend in Germany to visit, would you still want to leave your current home with Dad? And how are things at school? Are you doing well and almost done? Was your plan to return to Germany anyway when you are done with school? Would you like to return to Germany to live there? You wrote that if you visit your friend at Oktoberfest, you may fall for him because it's safe. Can you explain more about why it would be safe and what you are protecting yourself from?

What is right and logical to do?

I don't know, but for some reason, I don't think it's about your friend. That's why I asked those other questions (above). It seems like there is something else that might be going on.

Take care.