School ended about a month ago and as a result I've had a lot more free time on my hand. It was nice at first because my schedule was so full, but it now it's so light that I'm really bored. I'm okay with boring sometimes though, but lately, it's been getting worse than bored. I have been experiencing a lot of external and internal things that I feel I have no control over.

I am in the process right now of losing both of my jobs. One of them actually provides me with free housing, so that is kind of a big deal. I have a place I could stay for the summer though, but I will need a new place for September when school starts back up. My other job that is also probably going to let me go, I just don't think I'm cut out for that one anyway (it's basically like a data entry job). It's the first job I'm going to lose that burns the most, because I feel like I'm just being treated really coldly there now. My mother's death anniversary was last week too so I was already starting out rough a week ago.

This has all just seemed to start happening so fast and from out of nowhere. Last night, I did not sleep, and earlier this afternoon I was experiencing something scary in my body that felt like the beginning of a panic attack. I feel like everything is completely going out of control right now and I don't know what to do. Add to that there's nothing else I'm able to think about. My appetite has been really poor and I look like I'm dropping a little weight when I look in the mirror.

I know that in the long run I'll probably be alright. I am starting school back up in September and the loans will help me to get by, but this has just been a really horrible experience and on an emotional level I almost feel like I'm not going to survive psychologically...and that what this all really means is that I am a failure in life, and that I can't do anything right. In other words, I ultimately feel like I'm doomed personally and professionally.

I struggled a lot with depression when I was younger and up until my early twenties. I haven't felt this bad since then. But it's a different bad. This bad feels worse to me because I thought I overcame all my struggles and now it seems like I'm being forced back into them.

What should I do? I don't know really have anyone in my city I can talk to about stuff like this and am feeling really low.