For everyone who is a survivor of sexual abuse, do you feel like you can’t put your pain and your suffering into words or explain the depth of it? I’m feeling at a loss at how to completely relay my pain to my T. She totally hears it and knows my pain, but in my own eyes I feel like I’m not voicing to her the intensity of it. She wants to hear it all and assures me it’s not too much for her to handle. *I’m frustrated with myself, because I hide behind my smile and my happy façade, and I think it throws people off to how much pain I’m in. I feel so sad and so despondent.

I’m motherless and fatherless, even though both of my parents are alive. Neither one of them called me on my birthday. I was worthless as their child, and I’m still worthless to them, but I don’t desire a relationship with them, so I guess I got what I wanted. But, it still feels bad to know that neither one of your parents even made the effort. I feel so alone in the world, even though I have many people in my life that I know love me. I feel like I will always be stuck in this pain and my heart is destined to be forever broken.

I’m in a world of hurt and grief right now, and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like a dirty castoff and that I’m not worth anything. In my life, I don’t want anyone to ever feel like I’m having a pity party, so I don’t usually share how bad I feel with anyone and no one ever suspects that I’m hurting.

I did journal and draw today and will bring it to my session on Thursday, but I hope I can really relay the depth of my pain the way I feel it and not present it packaged up in a pretty box with a bow like I usually try to do.

Please help me to see that there is a way to expressing the pain and then there is also a way out of it, as well. Any hugs you can spare would be great, too.