Well, I think I took another step today. Feeling a little "shaky" so I thought I'd run it past the forum for feedback.

I won't go into all the gruesome details - for those who are here, I probably don't have to - I'm sure you have your own stories. But suffice to say my Father was my chief abuser. Life with him - for all of us - was about fear and uncertainty. Wondering when the next bomb would drop. The repurcussions of his behavior still haunt me 57 years later. As it does my brother and mom took them to her grave.

The last time I was in the same room with that man was before Thanksgiving. And the last time we talked on the phone was about 2 months ago. On that occasion, when he continued his abusive language I warned him that if he kept it up, I would hang up the phone. That I had only called to see if he was ok. (he's 85) When the abuse continued I said sorry and hung up on him. As I said that was about 2 months ago and I had/have no intentions of reconnecting with him. Enough is ENOUGH!

So Saturday nite I get a call from my brother (fellow abuse survivor). He tells me Dad wants to "patch things up." Really?? I told my brother that while I miss him and dad, I have no intention of subjecting myself to that continuing abuse. That if he wanted to, that was his business but I was done. Of course my brother urged me to "give it one more try." (What, 57 years of trying isn't enough??) And of course he felt the need to remind me this weekend was Father's Day (ugh!!) Through it all I stuck to my guns and simply stated I would not be coming down - or calling for that matter. That perhaps he & I could meet some time for coffee or to hang out, but Dad's house was off limits for me - for the time being at least.

So. Yeah, maybe I took a step away from my abuser. But it still feels sad to me. It's not that I miss "that man." I miss having a Father. I never had one - and it looks like I never will...

But, Enough is enough.

Thoughts?