What if the little girl disappears when I fold up the map? The map disappears, too, and so when I try to sit on the map instead I am propelled downward, like I have fallen into a well. And as I am falling, I notice that the world is black. Slowly I lose the sensation of falling. In fact, I was never falling. And the blackness expands. And expands. And it is blackness and roaring static at the same time. And the blackness/static is everything, there is nothing, no voice inside of me, no little girl.

It's terrifying. Nothing. Black space expanding. It says the blackness is bigger than my brain, so if I let it, it will fill all the spaces in my mind and expand even more, swallow up every last bit of me, and in the end, I will drown in it, and it will be oozing out of my ears and my mouth and my eyes..

This is where meditation brings me if I stay too long in it. To me it is terrifying, and what happens then is I just give up the whole thing. There is no little girl's voice inside of me, there is no me, and just screw it all. I think I'm missing something though. Some essential piece that will provide some solace, some hope.