T left me a voicemail. She said I've been calling her too much. Which, honestly, is ********. I haven't talked to her between sessions for over 2 weeks, until today. I have to be done with this. I am so angry and so hurt right now, I can't even express it. But I'm not devastated. I'm not frantic. I have reached some internal limit and I'm listening to that. I can't take on a drama with T right now, I have too much other stuff going on. I told her to cancel my next appointment. And I'm okay. I know I tried my best, my very best. I couldn't have tried harder. I'm just done.

PS thanks, Jexa. Your post (as well as all the others) made me think about what's going on in me right now. I think after yesterday's session, after T holding me while I cried and her telling me I'll be okay, I sort of fell back into the role of feeling like T was taking care of me. Because that I felt in that moment, and it felt good. It did. And then when she withdrew today, it hurt. I think that would hurt anyone. And the only way, the ONLY way, to avoid that kind of hurt is to be my own anchor. To be my own mother, as you say, Jexa.

PPS this is what sticks with me from the voicemail T left: "if you want emotional support, call your friends. Don't call me for emotional support." That, right there, that's the dealbreaker. That's where I reach my limit and say this isn't okay with me. Because that's not what she said yesterday. That's not what she said on the voicemail she left me earlier today. It's the inconsistency that is making this so hard. I just have to walk away now.