I'm really ****ing pissed, actually. She TOLD me to call her and tell her how the procedure went. Then when I did, I get hit with this "you are calling me too much." It's ********. And I'm just not willing to sit in this place of not knowing, of feeling all of this and being unable to process it, for 6 more days. I'm not. The only thing that feels remotely good to me right now is to walk away.

And I know I just went through this huge triggering ordeal this morning, and I'm on drugs and I shouldn't make any life decisions right now, but really. I have to do something to make me feel okay. You guys know, if you've been here and if you read the posts from the huge rupture we just had, you know how incredibly difficult that was for me. How out of control I was. I will do anything to avoid going through that again. Anything.