mymickey<

I am the one who does this to my husband or should I say I used too and hope that now I can learn to control this monster. I had been diagnosed since I was about 20 and now that I am researching and learning everything I can I know that I had this since before teen.

The way I finally came to trying to get help was first I became psychotic to where I would see and hear things that were not there. Would think others were watching and talking about me when going to store. I don't remember much except that I asked my husband to take me to get help. I was diagnosed then with schizoaffective. I don't really remember how long ago that was. I continued to tell my husband that I did not love him and find others and would leave days, weeks even a month. I only know that deep down inside I knew I loved him and never wanted to leave him. Some how I could not control what was happening to me. I always felt that something else had control of my body and mind. Now this is how I felt. I can't speak for your wife. About 2 yrs ago my husband finally had enough. I was still not very well but I could understand what he was saying. He sat down with me and explained that what I was doing was hurting him and my daughter. He told me that this would be the last time he would let it slide. I knew he meant business cause he is very loving and patient but he was right. I tried my best to stop my behaviour but it was not easy. It took over a year to really slow down on all my behaviours. Since I started to try and change I found medications, psych notes that I had at home and started questioning when did I go, how did I get help, when did I take this or that med. So that opened my mind even further to try and figure out what I was going through. Cause if I was doing these things how could I not remember who I saw and got help from. So I deciede to start a journal and write everyday my thoughts, feelings and actions. There were times that I could not even remember writing in journal but I knew when I read it it was me. It became scary to see a pattern of this monster taking over me. I just recently like a week ago finally decided that I accept that I do have this illness and that I have to find a way to help myself cause I love my husband and daughter dearly. I still keep journal and a mood chart(which shows me really the ups, normal and downs of this illness). I started to research more and more on the illness to try and understand as much as I can. I am learning that knowledge is powerful in keeping the monster in some control. I started seeing a therepist, going to a support group and found a new psych to help me manage my illness.

These are steps I can think of that may help you and your wife:

1. Setting the boundery of that you will not take any further action of staying by her side if she does not try to seek help and stay compliant with treatment. Of course she has to be in some normal state to where she understands that this is what needs to take place. As make sure that she knows that you love her and want the best for her.
2. Finding a good psych to help her and you with medications. Help her make sure she takes her meds. I sometimes if in not a normal state may forget or can't even remember which med I took or did not take. It is difficult since I have many. Ask her if you could go with her and let her know it is to help her and that you just want the best for her. It will be up to her if you can go.
3. Finding a good therepist who can help her understand what this illness does to her and you. Would be good if you could participate as well.
4. Find a support group that both of you can go to. I have only been to two meetings but being able to find others who understand what I go through and learning how they cope with their illness is helping me. As for my husband it helps him as well. Actually anyone who is going to be there to help you and your wife would benefit on going to the meetings. I now don't feel so alone in this.
5. Being here is really also what has helped me deal with all this. I feel that I can come here and not be judged but understood. I can have others who can share their expereince and how they deal with it.
6. Educate. I can't stress how much this really has helped me. I have been online and reading many books to find out everything I can. From symptoms, triggeres, definitions of the words used to describe bipolar and symptoms. Your wife also needs to be in on this. Of course this is when she is well enough to take it in.
7. I have found a way to help myself along with my husband to understand what it is that I go trough. I am doing all research cause my husband has a short attention spand to doing this. I am keeping a journal and finding all syptoms that I can relate to and explain in simplier terms what it means with examples of what my symptoms go with each. I also add examples of what I go through in each symptom, like my actions, thoughts in that moment and how I feel or see things. Then I will write what I really need for him to do when I am in one if the symptoms that I know can bring on a severe manic or depression episode.
8. I am learning that I also need to start making a daily routine in my life. Wake up and sleep time on regular basis, along with other things. We have even made a ritual that when it is close to bed time we cuddle and I can tell him about my moods and he can tell me what he sees. Which cuddling has not happened in such a long time.

There is so much more but like I said I just recently decided that I do have a mental illness and I can do the best to try and live with it by being compliant and learning everything that I can to manage it. I want to say you are such a good husband for wanting to be there for her. I don't know yet that many who would stay. It must really be love when you and my husband are willing to be there for their true love. Wishing you the best and always here if you would like to ask me or my husband anything. I share everything I say, do and think when I come on here with him. Also all of this is just from my experince since everyone is different in their own illness.