ColeThornton,

I am sorry to hear that you go through this. I know that everyone here has said that BP is not an excuse for her actions. I can say that when I was not aware of having this illness which has been for over 20 yrs now. I too did these things to my husband. I am ashamed of what I have done to him but I can tell you for me I could not control what I was doing. It was like someone else had taking over me and doing what they wanted to. I love my husband dearly and wanted not to hurt him but I could not stop. The only issue we had in our relationship was that I was ill but even though I was on medication and seeing a psych I know now that it was cause I still had not recieved the right combination of meds to where I could be stable enough to understand what I was going through and being able to educate myself on how to become more aware of my actions to my triggers. My husband and I now know that this was the BP and not me. I have heard it from psych, therepist and support groups who tell me this as well. I am not saying that it was ok for me to do this but at the time that I did this I was not well mentally. I can say that from here on out I will do my best to control this. I love my husband and now that we both are willing to learn and educate together with what to do with my symptoms and triggers I know I will be able to control it. It will take dedication from the both of us to help me stay compliant on meds and keep going to therepy in order to stay stable and not let the BP take me to this extent again. I don't understand how others here can say not to blame the illness. I am thinking maybe they did not have this issue in their illness like I did. I was mostly psychotic/manic not till now hypo, normal, mixed or depressed. I now I will hear that I am wrong propably since mostly everyone who posted here said it was not to be used as an excuse. I wanted to still be able to be open and honest as to what I dealt with and have learned. Maybe there are others out there who have dealt with this but since everyone says its not the illness to blame they may be ashamed and not want to share. I feel I have to be honest cause it may help someone else come to terms with their illness and learn fromt their past mistakes. You can always contact me and my husband. He is always by my side in sharing what I have gone through to help others learn and understand that we are all different but yet the same in some ways.