I'm not laying all the "blame", if there has to be blame, on my T. The problems in our relationship have come from both of us. It's just such a different, weird kind of relationship, this therapy thing. I have different standards for my T than I would for anyone else in any other role in my life. One of those is that T needs to be consistent. T needs to have clear boundaries. T needs to be compassionate.

This T of mine, she is very compassionate at times (like yesterday) and I think TTGB you are right, she gives from the heart but then later feels like she gave too much (I'm guessing, no idea what she's really thinking or feeling) so she pulls away. It's a very...doesn't it seem a very borderline way to behave? Very polarized, very black and white?

I guess that's one of my standards for a T, too. I have to have a T that creates a safe, stable place for me. I can't have a T who is a reactive and emotionally labile as I am, that just doesn't work.

wepow, thank you. I am concerned that someone reading this will think I am saying T is horrible or that I think T is doing something to me out of meanness. I am not saying that. My T is very good at her job, to a point. She is an excellent DBT skills trainer, for example. I think she cares a lot about her clients, and I do believe that she cares about me in a genuine and authentic way. I think she just is not very good at setting limits, at the whole boundary thing. Then she starts to feel "pushed" as she said in her voicemail, and reacts to that by pulling away. I think it isn't very professional and is possibly unethical for a T to behave this way with a client in crisis or a client in distress. It is unfortunate and it does hurt, but it doesn't mean I think T is a bad person or a bad T. I also don't think I am a bad person or a bad client. I learned a lot from my T and I am thankful for all the support she has given me.

And I need a T now that can offer me something that this T just cannot offer. I have the right, and the responsibility to myself (to little zoo), to find a T who CAN offer that, and to have a therapeutic relationship that isn't so painful.