Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
One of those is that T needs to be consistent. T needs to have clear boundaries. T needs to be compassionate.
I have to have a T that creates a safe, stable place for me. I can't have a T who is a reactive and emotionally labile as I am, that just doesn't work.
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(((((((Zoo)))))))
Yes, this, exactly.
If I had to put my finger on the most important, valuable, and healing thing in my relationship with T, it would be his absolute consistency. He is able to hold a calm, safe, well-boundaried space, and that allows me to feel what I need to feel, and say what I need to say. If there have been times when he's wondered if he's given too much, or has felt overwhelmed, or whatever, I know that he would have taken it to his own T, or to a colleague and never, ever to me. He may come back to me with feedback, but not in the heat of the moment.
There have been maybe one or two times when T wasn't able to hold that space for whatever reason (like me kicking at him - ugh), but I know that in the end, I can count on him to be the same stable guy that he always is.
Therapy is hard, hard work. Our real life relationships are difficult enough to navigate...our therapy relationship shouldn't be like that. We hire T to provide a framework where we can learn skills that we can take to our crazy real-life relationships. T is not modeling those skills for you right now, and of course it's crazy making.
You are handling this really well, zoo. And if you DO get angry or freak out or whatever, that is okay too. Both are okay.
to you
