I just want to thank you guys. I feel like I come here and am always in the middle of some freak out with my T, and I am glad that there are still people here who are willing to help me process it. It is invaluable. I can't imagine how alone I would be feeling right now if I didn't have the support here.

And thanks also for validating my experience. It is really easy for me to question myself and my perceptions of what is going on. that's why I posted her voicemail and my texts as well. That IS what was said, and to see that there are others here who have a similar reaction to it as my own, that is validation, and it helps a lot.

I was surprised when I went back and read my texts, because I thought I sent this huge string of texts just full of emotional vomit, and really what I sent wasn't anything I am ashamed of or feel any need to apologize for. I am sort of proud of myself for being able to edit my reaction in the heat of the moment.

I don't know if I'll hear from T again, and if I do, I don't know if there is anything she could say that would make a difference at this point. I am ok with moving on from here. There are a lot of other Ts in the world.

I thought about how it would feel if I talked to her, imagined what I could hear that would change anything, and I don't know what it could be. I would love to hear an apology, a validation, but it won't take away from my feeling that I need to walk away. I sent T that text last night (up in my orig post) and thanked her for being there for me. I meant that, and I don't feel like I have much else left to say.

I am strong enough to protect myself, maybe for the first time in my life. I owe it to myself and to little zoo to do just that.