Hi Quirkster, I had to take the summer semester off to take care of my inner turmoils, and externa life stuff. At first I felt it was a mistake but now know it was the perfect thing for me to do. I was so distraught after losing a loved one, trying to keep school going, moving across country, establishing new residency, and meeting new people here....I couldn't even do the things that I loved anymore and was terrified actually.
The wisdom that Fresia and others share about taking care of ourselves is the only way, even that it goes against my grain.
I almost feel guilty when I need to do that, and make all sorts of resistances to it, like "I am taking care of myself already", when in fact it shows to the contrary. There is always some area I refuse to see...like this time around I was not askng for help in the right place, in fact I was pushing away any thoughts of engaging in what would ultimatey assist me through this dark and unknown stretch of my journey. Which in my case was a group type of grief work rather than a pull myself up by my own bootstrap approach. Also with my studies, I needed extra help (a horrible thought for me), and ended up expressing my self concerns to my instructor.
He helped me out and if I wouldn't have asked, I would have surely slid a grade.
Also self expectations, like I should be further along in my life dilemnas than I am...crying jags caught me off guard, and several woman in my grief group express that it is normal and actually healthy for me to do this...even in my job interview yesterday.
For where I am at in my personal process, I have to let these emotions of fear or grief or uncertainty flow...and communicate to whoever is around what they are, or I will forever be dammed up and feel out of control. That is just me, and I guess we are all a little different...kinda like a deck of cards that each one is shuffled different but with a lot of the same basic stuff inside.
With me, my trust that others understand, or have the capacity to understand my difficulties, is a hard one to even absorb. I tend to feel isolated and alone in my difficult periods, and the effort for me is usually to connect some way further with people and include them in my process.