welcome to pc, ron. sounds like you both have a lot on your plate. the first thought i had is that you both need to be in therapy, then family therapy. lots need to be sorted out. your T's can help mediate when you and your wife have some individual therapy first. many T's have professional relationships with other T's. best scenario so they can help you in the mutual setting.
i know you feel overwhelmed but sometimes we can only do the best we can do. try to remember that. you're not weak. you are just experiencing lots of upheaval. doesn't mean you've failed in your efforts. there's nothing to be ashamed of expressing your needs. wife may be so overwhemed that she has nothing to give at this time however. good communication with each other is vital tho. try to keep it on what you all can do to get thru this in harmony. make a priority list to guide you. have her do the same if she's willing. then compare notes to be striving for the same goals re your family.
wishing you the best. keep us posted. we do care.