T left me a voicemail this morning, and I left one in return. She basically just reiterated what she said in the msg last night, including that I need to not look to her for emotional support. She encouraged me to not quit, to not give up.

In my message I said I need her to hear me loud and clear: I'm not coming back. I said our last rupture was one of the most painful experiences of my life, and that I am not willing to go through that again right now.
I also said something about how much I just needed her support yesterday and that it is too bad she chose to use that as an opportunity to practice setting limits. I told her I don't think she's a bad person or a bad therapist, but that she cannot give me what I need in a T right now. I told her I need a T who is not as reactive and emotional as I am, and in order to feel safe I need a T who sets clear boundaries and maintains them consistently.
I said I felt supported, cared for, and validated in our session this week, and that I'm okay with that being our last one. I said I want to look back on that and that the idea of coming in again and possibly facing her anger and her frustration is more than I can handle.
I thanked her for the support and the tools she has given me, I told her I will never forget her, and at the end I said I love you.

Because I do love her, in a way, and I have never told her that and I really think that if I didn't tell her that would probably be the only regret I would have carried.

I don't know if this is the "right" thing to do or not, but deep down I think there isn't a right or wrong here. I have tried and tried with T, and I have learned a lot in the process. It's okay to stop here. I will continue to learn in all my relationships I have throughout the rest of my life. I don't have to keep raking myself over the coals.

I am sad but I'm okay. I think, darkrunner, what I said or what I meant to say yesterday is that I'm NOT devastated by this, unlike last time. And that is true today. I am sad and I have been crying but I'm not torn up. I'm not frantic.

I sent T a text asking her to please not call me anymore. I hope she respects that. Her message this morning was hard to listen to and I need to save my energy for getting through what's going on here, in my life, and not what's going on with T. I asked her to just let me go, please.