I thought for sure that I would have a BAD weekend. I actually planned on it--I was tired of not having the right support and skills for everything I think about and going on. I wanted to feel pain--to do something to myself. I didn't want to cut, but it did come to mind. Instead, I decided to make a reservation and get a hotel room for Saturady night and take a handful of OTC's for some, um, purging-type activity. I left my T voice mails prior, and in my final one I admitted that what I was going to do this weekend involved OTC's. I also mentioned that there will always be a need for people like him, he will always have a job, because people are nuts--we would rather use physical pain to distract and deal with something mental or emotional. I won't want to actually tell T exactly what kind of OTC product, but I will tell him what it was not. He does pretty good working around things, but still getting to the subject. I love him for that. It really makes it easier and gives me the chance to build up the ability to say certain things on my own. Anyway,k I feel pretty good today. I didn't let myself have a bad weekend despite what I did. I went to bed early and slept in, I did a little personal pampering. I actually feel like doing something responsible, like maybe finally getting the brakes looked at on my car! Hmm, maybe a car wash and oil change, too! I feel like leaving my T a thank you voice mail today, but I'm not sure what exactly for. Maybe just to let him know that I am ok? I will try to avoid that and give him "the day off" . I see him tomorrow night anyway. Wishing you all bright, sunny skies and may summer please come quickly!