I have been in a bizarre place for the past few weeks. I'm pretty intuitive about my disorder and can usually figure out where I'm at in a cycle. But I've just been bouncing between two extremes lately and nothing seems to make it better.

I've recently entered into a relationship with someone who is very, very understanding about the disorder. So far, anyway. But I'm scared to talk about this to him because I'm afraid he's going to be like the person I was with before him (and think that I'm just doing it all on purpose, making it up, etc). I told him the other night that I thought I was alright, but now I'm not sure. Well, it's not even that I'm not sure....I'm NOT alright, I'm sinking into a very anxious depression. I'll get super energetic and happy, and then soon afterwards I'll crash and start crying for no reason.

I hope this makes sense and I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think what's weighing me down is the fact that I have found this wonderful, amazing, NORMAL man who claims to love me for who I am....and yet, I can't help feeling that maybe he doesn't deserve all of the crazy he's going to have to put up with being my boyfriend.

I'm not ashamed of who I am. But there are easier women to deal with out there. I can't help thinking maybe he should have one of those and not me.

Someone talk to me. I feel so strange and sad....