Ok, I have GOT to chime in on this one. I hope this makes you feel better and not worse, but please read this knowing that I'm at least TRYING to make you feel better...

First of all, the people in that thread all appear to have BPD SOs (either spouses, g/bfs, parents). I belong to a support group for SOs of people who are depressed, and let me tell you that what is happening in the thread you pointed us to is TYPICAL of people of support groups for SOs. Sort of like "it's not YOU, it's THEM".

In my other support group, and I believe in the one you posted, I should first say that emotions run very high. I'm not excusing anything, but if these people weren't stressed out, then they wouldn't be in the support group. I dated a guy with BPD and my husband was severely depressed for a few years, and let me tell you that as compassionate and empathizing as I try to be, it was NOT easy. The times when they needed understanding were usually the times they would lash out the hardest... and it's really difficult to put your own hurt aside and be nice to someone who isn't being nice to you. When they were nice to me, it was of course very easy to be nice back. It was when they were lashing out that was the most difficult to stay empathetic. I will admit that I've said some hurtful things to my husband when he was depressed, because his depression was affecting every single part of our lives and I was very frustrated and felt helpless. I didn't want to hurt him even for a second, but I needed some empathy and understanding, too.

The other thing is (and this is more important than the above) that almost EVERYBODY has a difficult time discerning the difference between one's personality and a personality disorder. I mean, to be fair, how is anyone supposed to know? This phenomenon does has two polar effects:
1) it causes people in failing relationships to blame "the disease" and stick it out even though the other person is clearly no longer committed (this is really common in the SOs of depression support group)
2) it gives people a wide-open forum to make generalizations. THAT is the part that pisses me off the most. Any negative personality trait gets cast into the pot of "the disorder" and next thing you know, all affected people are stereotyped. It's not fair, and it's frustrating to watch it build up.

Fortunately, my experience at PC has given me the chance to get to know MANY people with different personality/health concerns, and it's much easier to understand the person behind the disorder now. But remember that not everybody has had that chance. Most of them only know one person or have had one experience, and they may be a little scarred from it.

And while I haven't had the opportunity to get to know sunsetbay yet (welcome, btw!), I do know that Janniebug is one of the sweetest, nicest people I've ever seen on PC and that you deserve every bit of understanding and empathy from people online and in real life