Quote:
Originally Posted by Direction
Feeling bad or guilty is not really motiviation to change...growth is probably a more noble reason...but just remember you've dated someone got to know them and possibly made a decision to move on as you don't think you can accept his behavior for the years to come...this is great...just remember there is no need to demonize him...you have reason enough to leave...he doesn't have to be made into this evil thing because he doesn't see things your way...I do understand the need to vent and hopefully this is all it is...but after venting you need to accept the fact that everyone is there own person and as such will behave in certain ways...it is not for you to change that person...only to change how you react to it...
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Don't worry, I am just venting... In the beginning of the relationship if I ever mentioned how I felt that "his mom was ruining everything" he would ask me "are you crazy?!" and then of course, tell his mother what I said behind my back. Then the mom would also of course take his side and tell him I was probably not good enough for him because I was probably crazy. It worked on him enough to make him avoid me for weeks and weeks.
Now I've learned that if I want to be in this relationship at all, I have to keep my mouth shut. So no, I don't harp on the guy. I think he's going to be surprised when I leave him, but that's what happens when there's not enough communication I guess. Oddly enough he and I regularly talk about absolutely anything and everything that happens in our lives and can discuss these things in a supportive and diplomatic manner but the one thing he won't discuss is his relationship with his mom because in his opinion it isn't a problem. He did once admit to me though that he thinks she is "extremely neurotic" and that he wishes "she wasn't insane, and could have more friends and maybe some hobbies" and also that if she wasn't crazy he wouldn't need to let her stay in his house; he'd make her live in her own home somewhere. It's funny though because his actions around her don't seem to reflect those statements.
I used to get mad at her as well for ruining his life and getting him into debt. He's been in debt since he was 15 because she used all his credit cards for her own shopping sprees. Of course he didn't realize this at the time.
I wish she could be cured of being crazy. I know that her little kid was murdered 30 years ago but I really do wish her the best and hope that she somehow finds peace in her life. She can't keep ruining her current son's life and then use her mental disorder as an excuse all the time. I actually get along well with her when we aren't around her son competing for his attention because she is a very interesting and smart person to talk to and she seems to be a very sensitive person whose life has unfortunately completely crumbled from beneath her feet. It's really upsetting.
I wish life wasn't so complicated...
