thanks, you guys. Today has been hard, but not overwhelmingly so. There have been moments of joy, too. I had this moment earlier where I realized that every day it's going to hurt less, every day I will be more used to my new normal of not having T, and in that moment I just smiled and felt warmth sort of flow over me. Because where I am right now isn't intolerable. It doesn't hurt so much that it makes me wish I could die. It doesn't make me want to pick up the phone and beg T to help me. And if each day after this will be easier, well. That is something to be joyful about.

My T is really good at parts of her job and she has helped me enormously over the 2.5 years that I saw her. And she also caused me a lot of pain. I don't think I have ever in my life been strong enough to walk away from someone who was causing me pain before. It's about time.

I'm going to start a new thread about my options now as far as finding a new T, because I very much feel that I need to be in therapy and I look forward to finding a new T.