I happened to have an appt scheduled today with my case manager at the managed care agency who oversees public mental health in my county. This agency is responsible for paying for my therapy.

So I had this meeting scheduled, and I was able to go in there and tell my CM about what has gone on recently between T and I. I told her that T said I should not turn to her for emotional support and I think my CM almost fell out of her chair.

We talked about my therapy and all I have learned there and I made sure my CM understands that I have a lot of respect and regard for T, but that she is unable to offer me what I need right now.

And then we talked about what it is that I need and want in a therapist, and I told her I feel strongly that I need to be in weekly therapy and that probably should be DBT.

So, I do have some options. I'm thinking that maybe I was wrong, maybe I don't need to be in DBT any more. Maybe the kind of therapist I need is not the kind of therapist who is going to do DBT. So I have that to consider.

She also told me that I have the option of going to see my former case manager who moved out of that position and into the DBT program at the same agency. In some ways that is tempting, because that old-CM knows me and knows my history and saw me at my worst. She saw me in the hospital so many times, on life support, all of it. She saw a side of me that my current T never saw.

So, that might be good. And it might not be. Maybe I need to start over fresh, with a clean slate?

I could ask my T for a referral, but her practice is small. There are only 5 Ts in the practice, one being my T and one being her life partner. That would be...awkward. Also I'm not sure I could go to Ts office every week to see a different T. I would probably see my T there, or hear her voice. I think that may be too hard.