Ok after spending the whole day in a deep " I want to kill myself " mood, I don't know what the hell is going on any more.

I'm mixed for three weeks, I'm manic for a week, I'm mixed for a day,then depressed, manic for a few days, then mixed, now very depressed for 9 hours, now back up...

I have never experienced this before, I have no clue what is going on. My pdoc as stated above is not interested in being a pdoc.

I'm really starting to question the seroquel. And I have to figure this out on my own. I'm thinking stop the seroquel and see what happens. I know I'm not supposed to do that, but I can't think of anything else. I can't take this anymore, I've been functioning a minimal level for almost a month.

I feel like everything is falling to **** around me. My house is usually spotless inside and out, my garden is usually beautiful and pond pristine. Not anymore, I am forgetting kids functions, house is well ... I'm half expecting Martha Stewart and Emily Post to show up and seize my swiffer , garden is a mess, pond is an algae habitat, and of course I spent all my money already while manic, on cleaning supplies.

The seroquel makes my body feel very tired and unmotivated, but my mind is running marathons still. I feel like it's robbing me of living.

Sorry I know I posted lots here, posting seems to be helping me maintain some sanity. I've been very closed off , home alone most days and some nights alone, not really seeing any people aside from appointments, and my bf (we don't live together) and my kids.