I've started to get a little into my first relationship with my therapist but I find it hard to get into detail. Talking about it feels humiliating.. The idea of being in a long-distance, online relationship for 1 1/2 years at 16.. and then being just a back up girl who was easily discarded in the end is such a pathetic story.. One I was so sure I wouldn't ever have.. She's been trying to convince me it's not pathetic because at the time it was real, but I can't help but feel that way.

A big problem I'm facing right now is the fact that she'll be leaving by the end of the month and I'll have to start all over again with a new therapist. Sad part about it was I was actually starting to like this one.. Oh well..

Light hearted people.. because of my experience it feels like it's an act. The negative people, well one at least, pretended to be very nice, but on the inside he was quite insecure and depressive and clingy and all these things that made me feel anxious and "invisible".. Basically only liked because I was there and he had no one else.

Every time I think of being with someone I feel irritation.. Every time I like someone I feel weak and the thought is humiliating. I feel like I shouldn't like anyone, because liking people just isn't for me.. It's easier for me to put up with something fake and toxic than something real..