I so know this fear...that T is inwardly rolling his eyes and sighing when I bring up the same thing yet again But I know that T is there for me to talk about whatever I need to talk about, as many times as I need to, from every angle, until I can come to a point of acceptance, or understanding, or whatever it is that I need.

It helps me to talk to T about it when I am having that fear....have you asked new T if she's sick of it? I know that *I* am sick of my feelings sometimes, but T really isn't. Maybe T could reassure you. You need what you need to heal.

As for googling...I have googled my T, and there's not much out there...but at one point, I discovered his wife's fb page was wide open and I looked at it and felt SO icky. It did feel like an invasion of his privacy. I ended up telling him about it, and he was so understanding, and his wife fixed her page and it's all in the past and okay. I think that it's such a normal thing to do...and I also think that whatever feelings come up will pass. For me, it was a good learning experience about how much I *really* want to know about T.
to you