((((((((Rainbow))))))))

I just pulled a few quotes out because it seems like you are being so judgmental of yourself and of your therapy!

I know that when I start judging my feelings, everything gets way way harder. Maybe I feel like I love T. So, I love T, and it's okay. If I think "I shouldn't love T, loving T is pathetic, I always love people I shouldn't love" (or whatever) it throws this whole layer of judgement and pain on top of what is really a totally acceptable and okay feeling (and all feelings are acceptable and okay!).

If something we're talking about in session is too hard and I can't do it, it's so much easier if I can be gentle with myself like T is. I can tell myself "I dipped my toe in it" or "I let myself start feeling the feelings a little bit". If I tell myself "this is too big, I'll never get better, I can't do this", I just end up feeling so hopeless and awful.

Can you let yourself feel your feelings without judging them? When I am having a really hard time with something, T has me try to do it one out of ten times. So, if you think "I love T" ten times, could you allow yourself ONE time to add "and that is totally okay!"?

Be gentle with you, rainbow. Therapy brings up lots and lots and lots of big feelings. You can get through them. Maybe you can start by just allowing them to be there, just as they are.