It's funny how kids pick up on things sometimes and then other times their perceptions surprise you. I remember when I was young, maybe seven years old, and one of my great aunts died. When my parents were getting ready to go to the funeral, I said, "how come you guys get all the fun??" Clearly, I didn't really understand that someone had died. Even though I'm sure they told me, all I knew was that my parents were getting dressed up and going out while I had to stay home.

So, I'm trying to maintain some perspective, while still keeping in mind how my illness might affect the kids. They can also be a good barometer, though. Back when I was just getting sick again last summer, I was in the car talking to my fourth grader and I apologized for not feeling well lately and that I was sorry I couldn't really be there for her right now. She said, "that's okay...but yeah, you're not there...". Ugh. That's when I knew that I had to take some time off from work to try to heal. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to recover from the episode for a few months and with the added psychosis and dissociation I experience, I've had to go back on disability. But it really was the best thing I could have done, and now I have the reserves to be there for my kids a lot more.

to you all.