granite, good question. Thank you. I need to talk about it. The dream that T will be who I want and will always be there for me. I'm not sure that it's one person. It's a mother,sister (I never had one) close friend, and lover, all tied up into one person. I think it's an "impossible dream". Do you know that song? My dream for unconditional love and to be the heroine of a romance novel all wrapped into one. My dream that T will hold me forever and tell me that she loves me. That she loves me like she loves her children. All of that, which I know is ridiculous. That our relationship is REAL. You know, how Pinnochio was loved when he was wooden, but he wanted to be a REAL boy. I want that. I want therapy to be real life. I want much more than any one person can give another, even in real life.
I know it's unreasonable, but I ache when I write this. It's a real dream to me, though it's a fantasy. It's like a drug, but my Ts have all "shattered this dream". Understandably so, but I still want it anyway. Thank you for getting me to write this, granite. Maybe I will show it to my T.