It's really tough.

Although I don't do things like that. I do other things, spend all my money on thrift store finds, antiques and such. I'm on disability so it doesn't take a lot to beak the bank. Sometimes I won't even remember buying things, until I find them in a closet somewhere with the tags intact, and then I still can't remember.

Other times I just lose touch with reality so much, get in arguments with my boyfriend, and when he calms me down and explains whats happening, I need to think about it a bit. Even though I can't really grasp the fact that I've lost touch, I know it's true. I feel so guilty, the tears come, and I just feel so guilty, weak, and ashamed inside. I really feel for you and your wife. Breaks my heart reading what you wrote.

I aslo have OCD and cleaning is my number one next to picking. I worked with my pdoc a bit to break this but have not been successful. It's the one thing that relaxes me, like really relaxes me, when I am cleaning or picking is the only time I really feel at peace inside. Like a calming wave washes over me. I feel safe when I am doing these things.

Also to add, when I was not medicated I did a number of very extreme things, I still don't feel like I can share these things, I am still profoundly embarrassed by these things and cannot believe I did them. I do now realize that in order to keep my behavior in tact I really need to keep myself away from situations or or places where I could get into trouble.